The twins have been trying my patience as of late. They have been so needy and are so very active! I can no longer multitask with pumping and feeding the twins at the same time. I had perfected my method of propping them in their boppys with their bottles while I pumped, but not anymore. It has become a challenge to even feed them at the same time. Loen feels that the bottle should follow her as she moves all over the place. Derby in turn gets annoyed that I have to stop paying attention to him to take care of Loen. There have been times where I have felt like pulling my hair out. Should it really take almost an hour for them to eat 5 ounces apiece?? By the time they are done and put down, I pump, clean everything up only to have to start the process all over again in an hour. It is like the whole day revolves around food, making food, changing dirty diapers that are the result of the food, cleaning the bottles that held the food. It can be a little tedious and mind numbing. Which is evident whenever I try to hold an adult conversation lately. I’m all over the place and cant keep on a train of thought. Perhaps it is just a phase, right? Or is this a precursor for the mayhem to come with twins?? Today was especially bad because I think Derby may have some kind of stomach bug, stuff keeps coming out of both ends. I change a diaper, go wash my hands and come back to find he has spit up all over himself. Wash his face, go wash my hands again….what is that smell?? Yup that would be Derby in need of another diaper. Being a mom is soooo glamorous. Did I mention that Tadd has been putting in longer hours at work due to some kind of tax deadline. I know he is devastated that he cant be here to help with Mr. Poop. Is there any chance he could be making up tax deadlines just to stay at work? I should really check that out.
Loen has almost gotten crawling down. She will move her legs forward then lie on her belly so she can move her arms. The coordination required to move both arms and legs isn’t there yet but it is sooo close. Loen has also shown her preference towards ANY TOY that Derby has in his hand. She can be surround by $200 worth of toys but if Derby has one tiny plastic ring in his hot little fist she has to go forward and take it from him. I swear when she thinks we’re asleep she is whispering over to Derby’s crib:
Loen: You know why they call ME Twin A? Because I am the Alpha Twin. You know why they call YOU twin B? Because you’re here to do my bidding. And don’t you forget it little brother.
Derby: Sheesh. I cant wait till I’m big enough to sit on you. Don’t think Uncle Iain didn’t give me some sibling torture tips when he was visiting. I’m just biding my time…..
I believe that Loen will become the motivating force towards Derbys developmental progress, merely to get away from her slobbering ways. Speaking of progress the specialist was here this week and said she spoke with the head of the Early Start program, she felt we should give Derby up to 3 months to see improvement from his eye surgery. When I think it through only giving him a month to catch up wasn’t feasible. I guess I need to have more patience. He tends to favor his right side so we have been working with him by giving him toys to hold in his left hand, he is getting better. Mari said she understands how it can be hard for us regarding Derby because Loen has been making such progress. She also said that in her experience she has had only one other preemie hit milestones as quickly as Loen. That made me feel good for Loen.
Tadd updated WordPress so I am finally able to embed videos. Just to play with this new feature I thought I would embed a few.
What I am greeted by in the morning. Don’t let the adorable angelic act fool you, they can quickly morph into terrors!
The alpha twin assesses the situation and finds it not to her liking. After stalking the prey she attacks.
Both of the twins are enamored with this spider rattle. They don’t get that from me. Lately I have had some real issues with spiders. Last week I was walking down the stairs and saw a big black spider on the wall. I got a little freaked out and was thinking about what I could use to kill it. That is when the brown recluse (I swear it was) decided to jump from the wall TO RIGHT BY MY FEET. That caused me to run down the stairs screaming. Said spider met his demise via vacuum. Then yesterday I went into the garage, barefoot, and walked right by a black widow (that is for reals. Tadd confirmed it after he killed it.) Spiders are going to age me worse than the twins!
Look closely and you can see his teeth
Loen’s “Super Excited” smile
Derby’s “What you talkin’ bout Willis” face
Perhaps I shouldn’t use the flash
Enjoying some quiet time while Loen was asleep
Just checking that you don’t have anything else that I might want
Whatcha doing Mom? huh huh huh?
My secret is I slobber on every toy in a 10′ radius
All that slobbering makes me tired
Well I should go as Derby just spit up, again, and it is in his hair. Clean up on aisle one….
So I have a good excuse for not blogging as of late. Babies….yes the babes. I have barely checked my email let alone trying to put a few sentences together. But as they are sleeping at the moment I will try and post.
So we are teething with a vengeance. When Loen’s two bottom teeth cut it wasn’t that bad. I thought she took it very well. I guess that was a teaser as the real grouchy, crabby teething was yet to come. Derby as well isn’t too into the the pain. Where Loen loves the taste of Tylenol we have to work to get it into Derby. He ends up looking like Bozo the clown with red goo all over his lips and chin. Derby has two teeth that have cut through, just the tiniest slivers can be seen through his gums.
Developmental: Loen is trying to crawl (GASP!). She gets on her hands and knees then rocks. She gets around just fine by scooting. I find her all over the place with her little slobber trail behind her (like a slug). Tadd keeps working with her but I tell him to let her figure it out on her own. Not to sound mean but I don’t want her crawling yet, I want Derby to catch up a little more before she starts cruising the house. Derby can now roll from front to back. We think he is only doing that to try and escape Loen who’s life mission at the moment is to torment and lick Derby. He is “talking” and likes to chew on his hands and binker. He still wont pick up toys which drives me nuts but he does seem better since the surgery. Not the big turn around like I was hoping but he seems happier and is able to focus better. It has been hard for me to come to terms with how delayed developmentally Derby is. I kept banking on the fact that he was having trouble seeing but now that he has recovered from the surgery I can tell he doesn’t do things the same as Loen. We know of the many different problems that micropreemies can have. I often shunted that info to the back of my brain but it has been rearing its ugly head as Derby gets older. Yes he could just be a slow starter, he could grow out of this and catch up or he may have some disabilities. The other day I was so depressed and feeling like crap thinking of it when lo and behold California Children Services called. They said they had a referral to assess Derby. He went on to tell me that for insurance to pay they have to give either a diagnosis or what they call a “rule out”. So it sounds like they might use “Rule out cerebral palsy” to get the proper authorization to treat Derby. He will be assessed and will work with therapists in addition to Mari (our child development specialist) who comes weekly. I am grateful that California has so many services that we are eligible for. Having physical therapy for Derby is one more tool to getting him on track. With all that said Tadd and I have been fairly blah this week just thinking about it and worrying about the future. I will end the developmental chapter by saying Derby is so happy when you walk into the room to pick him up from his crib. He gives the most excited gasp like he cant believe you came back! They have us in the palm of their hands.
Food: I have tried bananas, sweet potatoes and carrots. Loen just isn’t into it. She will eat a couple of bites but will spit most of it out and then make a huge mess. Occasionally she will try to lick some off of her bib but it is a lot of work for what I believe to be 1/2 teaspoon of food going down.Derby seems to be on some type of food strike. He has been clamping his lips shut and you cant get the spoon past. I have tried making him laugh then putting the food in when his mouth is open but he spits it out. I don’t push it, they drink enough breast milk and solid food will be waiting when they’re ready. They have been working on holding their own bottles though. Loen can do it all by herself (of course) and Derby is getting the hang of it.
We tried them in a swing recently. Loen seemed to like it. Derby wasn’t too sure of it…as usual.
My family came out to visit last week. Being a part of a big family there is lots of joy and some frustration. But what do you expect when you have your brothers around, you fall into some of the old patterns of when you were younger.
Derby hangin with Uncle Guy
Loen thinks Uncle Iain is a crack up
Derby decided he would rather sleep on his mother
The twins are so cute they have to shop incognito
Loen and her Meemaw. Notice the super cute new barrette
I have a post in the works but some people who I wont name (I’ll give you a hint:they are under the age of 1) have been monopolizing my time with their grouchy teethy demands…sheesh. But since it has been so long I thought I would throw up a few pics to string you along.
Testing Grady’s birthday gift before I wrapped it.
“Alright Dad now push me down the driveway as fast as you can”
Yup this here is Tonka Tough
My favorite Derby smile, he likes to show you his tonsils. If you look at the roof of his mouth you can see how the 9 weeks on a breathing tube molded a “trough” into his soft palate
Loen modeling the latest in “Too Cool for School” eye wear
Closing in on his sister Derby is making some progress. Today we noticed…a tooth! Just the slightest corner has popped through but it is progress. We have also had people tell us how happy Derby seems. Fauxma watched the twins while we took Andrew to see Batman for his birthday. It was the first movie we have been to since December. I ate all of my popcorn just watching the previews (there were so many new movies coming out that I want to go see but I know we will just have to wait for them to come out on video). Anyways Dee commented on Derby smiling more than she has ever seen him.
This morning we took the twins to the NICU to take bagels to the nurses and Derby was Mr. Smiles. Loen was being a social butterfly as usual. We are going to have to start teaching her “stranger danger”. Martha, the RT, was holding Derby and he was doing his cowardly lion laugh for her. It is so good to see him interacting more. I will try and post pictures later this week. Just a quick update.
Monday the twins went to the surgical center to deal with their eye issues. We were the first appointment so we got there before most of the staff. It was SO early but it didn’t really matter because I slept like crap the night before. How about I back up and tell you about the days preceding the surgery.
On Friday my friend Anne came over for lunch to visit (finally). Unfortunately it ended early because I got a horrible stomachache. I seriously thought I had gotten food poisoning. After a couple of hours of lying in a fetal position, thinking about which food that I consumed that could have been the culprit, it went away. While I was lying in bed moaning Tadd decided to take the twins out for a few hours so I could rest. It was the longest he has had them on his own and he did great. I finally recovered, so all should be good in the world right?! Wrong. For the rest of the weekend every time I ate something I felt like I was going to vomit. I worked it out that it wasn’t food poisoning or a virus. No fever, vomiting, diarrhea etc. Then on Sunday night Tadd and I were discussing if we wanted to wake the twins at 2 am to feed them one last time, because after that they wouldn’t be able to eat until they recovered from the anesthesia. I was concerned that would be too long. No need to worry because the twins, the ones who sleep like troopers all through the night, decided to wake up at 12:40 A.M. screaming. Derby was close to inconsolable. I think they knew something was coming up. We fed them and got them back to bed, but of course I was done. I couldn’t stay asleep and was worried. I will jump forward and say that when I ate lunch after coming home from the surgery I was fine. My milk production that unexpectedly dropped last week, it is starting to come back. I guess it was all stress related. Aughh I am glad that is all over.
Loen: Loen had an exam under anesthesia and it turns out her eyes look fine. No cloudy lens that he could see. She is near sighted in one eye but not the other so she will probably need glasses as a child. No surprise there as Tadd and I both wear (wore) glasses. SOMEBODY got Lasik and it wasn’t me. When they brought her back to recover we were still in the back waiting for them to take Derby. Loen was asleep with a little plastic airway protector in her mouth. She looked very peaceful. Then suddenly it was like everything wore off at once. She spit the tube out of her mouth, rolled over onto her stomach and smiled at everybody. That kid is such a ham.
Derby: A Super Trooper considering it was a crappy day for him. We expressed our wishes to be in the recovery room when he woke up so he wouldn’t be afraid. That didn’t happen. After what felt like an eternity I could see the Doctor and nurses going in and out of the recovery room. I was waiting for them to come get us and it was driving me up the wall to see them but no one was bringing us back. Finally the doctor came out and said his surgery went well but they were dealing with Derby’s IV and would come get us once they “cleaned it up”. Finally we got to go back and he had the most pathetic and hoarse cry (from having the breathing tube during surgery). He was crying bloody tears (spooky to see let me tell you). His IV infiltrated and they had to take it out before he could get more pain medication. The gave him a dose of oral narcotics but that meant we had to stay in the recovery room for an hour so they could watch him. He was very sad. He calmed once we got him home and then he slept for 6 hours straight. I just sat on the bed watching him. The next day he looked like he had been maced. The white parts of his eyes were swollen and red, but at least he was happy.
We will see the eye doctor next week to see how he is progressing. You know what is really fun? Eye drops! Eye drops 4 times a day!! Derby will be happy and looking at you as you advance with the dropper. I try to warn him that they are coming, but he flips out then refuses to open his eyes again so I can get drops in his other eye. He must think we are torturing him. Did I mention I am so glad that is over with?!
Derby looking irked at me
Loen looking apprehensive like I am going to take her to the Doctors or something (and she would be correct)
Just for the hell of it I threw in a lovely tooth shot of Miss Loen
Lately Tadd has been my saving grace by getting up early with the twins, feeding them and putting them back to bed before he goes to work. I feel horribly selfish as I hear him get up and get all the stuff ready but I cant…. fight….. the……urge….to go back to sleep.
The past couple of mornings I could hear Tadd through the baby monitor singing to them as he changed their diaper. I smiled to myself thinking how sweet it was. Then I really listened to what he was saying. He was making up his own lullabies.
To Loen: “You are sooooooo stinkin cute. But you burp like a truckerrrrrrrr”
To Derby: “We saw the nurse and the Doc. Now they got to check out your c**k”
I should explain that Derby had his circumcision done while he was still in the NICU. Since he was still a tiny little guy the surgeon had to “free hand” it versus using a ring or bell as a guide. Since then there has been some discussion if he would need to have it revised due to some extra skin. I’m sure this is more than Derby wants you all to know about his nether regions.
Perhaps I should be glad the twins have no clue what he is saying yet.
They have now hit 9 months. The babes are growing up so quickly. The NICU is feeling farther away everyday.
UPDATES
Loen: Weighs 13 pounds 8 1/2 ounces and is 25 inches long. She is now the proud owner of 2 bottom teeth. Her hair has had a major growth spurt. It is like she is a Chia Pet or one of those Play-Doh heads that you squish the hair out of.
I went and bought her baby barrettes the other day. So cute and they are made to hold only a few pieces of hair. You might think I dress her up like a little doll….and you are correct. I love picking out outfits and getting them ready. Tadd wont even put pajamas on them now without asking what they should be wearing. She is a baby on the move. What with the rolling and squirming she can effectively move herself all over her crib. Tadd and I often find in her in a different place and position every time we go check on her. We spend most of our day on a big sheepskin rug that I covered with a quilt. Why a quilt you may ask? Two reasons, one Loen likes to take handfuls of the fur and put them in her mouth, I’m sure that cant be good. Two they both still spit up. I would rather wash a quilt versus a $150 cleaning bill for the rug. But like I was saying about the moving, the other day they were playing on the rug so I went and put their bottles in the dishwasher. The kitchen is steps away from the front room and I could see them. In a matter of seconds Loen rolled off the rug. When I went to put her back on it, I found her face down….licking the wood floor. I freaked out a little bit. NICU cleanliness habits die hard. She seems to have survived though. Loen was assessed by the NICU follow up team and the Early Start program last week. The NICU physical therapist said she felt Loen was closer to the 1-2 month mark in her milestones. I had a hard time accepting that. Can you really assess a child in 15 minutes, a child who needed a nap nonetheless? Early Start felt she was hitting all the milestones in the 3-5 month range. Still delayed but doing well for a micropreemie.
Derby: Weighs 13 pounds 8 ounces and is 23 1/2 inches long. We thought for sure he would weigh more than her this time around. He feels so solid and compact. Maybe the key word there is compact. I guess 1 1/2″ makes a big difference in weight distribution when your only 2 feet tall. Still no teeth. I can see the pearly white buds glistening just under the surface of his gums. It is hard to check if they have actually broken through because he likes to stick his tongue out when you open his mouth. Derby is so much like his father. He is awake and smiling at 6 am. You look at him and he gives a happy little squeal and smiles at you. He is ready for whatever the day has to bring. He will go back to bed if you snuggle him or lie him beside you. Loen is like me in that she will sleep much longer. We wake them up at the same time just to keep them on the same schedule. But she wakes up with the biggest grin and sleepy eyes. Derby has really been more social in the past week. Lots of smiles, even for strangers. He also has been “talking” a lot. Yesterday at Costco I don’t know what his deal was but I’m pretty sure it involved the words “Hey, Mom. Hey Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom can I have that??” At the NICU followup Derby decided he would have none of it. I take that back, he had a great time seeing Martha and Katie. He was making lovely cooing noises for Katie. When we switched to the physical therapist room Derby was done, D-O-N-E. He fell asleep and could not be woken up for the assessment. I handed him to the therapist and his head just fell forward still asleep. We tried talking to him…nada. We get to the car to go home, and yup, you guessed it. Awake, smiling, ready to go have some fun. Mari, our child life specialist, has said before that when things get too stressful he “checks out” by going to sleep. She has seen it in other preemies who have had a rough start. He is more delayed then Loen but again it is felt to be due to his vision problems.
Loen is so very animated. I swear she is trying to tell me things
Loen also likes to taste everything
They were enjoying a little naked time (with a diaper on of course, I’m not that carefree)
My cousin Brandy and I are only months apart. So when she got pregnant in 2002 I was so jealous. We both wanted children and it was exciting she was embarking on her new role as “Mom” (yes and I was still jealous because I couldn’t wait to have a baby myself).
Brandy’s pregnancy seemed like a breeze. She loved salsa and got heartburn but it goes with the territory. Her labor was something ridiculous like pushing for only 30 minutes (you would think I would remember this since I was there in the waiting room of Stanford Hospital). Little Cole was breathtakingly beautiful. All of this dark hair and gorgeous lips, you couldnt help but stare. As Cole’s Godmother I felt so honored, this in turn meant the child had to be showered with gifts…LOTS OF THEM. This would be a theme with Cole and I, lots of prizes.
Six weeks later their families life took a turn for the worst. Cole was diagnosed with leukemia. That boy was such a fighter. He was so tiny yet would stun the Doctors with how well he handled things. On Christmas Day 2002 he started chemo. Brandy said she felt that was a gift to make her little boy well. I spent a lot of time at Stanford Hospital, Tadd and I were even engaged on the Pediatric Oncology ward. I was often impressed not only at Cole’s fighting spirit but how well Brandy managed day after day. Cole passed away 4 years ago today, just shy of his 2 year birthday. Tadd and I were talking about it this weekend. How sad, how tragic, how did they cope? We couldn’t even imagine losing a child. When the twins were born there were many hurdles to overcome but it was different than what Brandy had to face. The babies just had to grow and get stronger. Cole had to fight cancer with horrible odds, trying many different treatments always hoping the next set would make a difference. In the end cancer won and Colie passed away in the early morning hours surrounded by his mom and dad.
Our hearts go out to Cole’s family on this day. To Brandy, Keith, and their two younger children Emma and Andrew we love you.
Things I have learned since becoming a parent (That STILL trips me out that we are parents)
Babies fingernails grow at a ridiculous rate. I HATE cutting their nails and I breathe a sigh of relief once I finish cutting their nails. Then I turn around and two days later they have dragon claws threatening to draw blood as they scrape their tiny hands across my face
I put aside clothes that look just huge. I think to myself “Oh we should be able to fit that this winter”, yeah try in two weeks.
Just when I was getting comfortable with the 6 am feeding then back to bed for a couple of hours, the twins have decided to take turns. One will sleep while the other is fussy. I get the other one down and think to myself “Oh sleep, sweet wonderful sleep”. But the moment my head hits the pillow the other one decides to wake up. WTF?!
Speaking of timing they have decided that anytime food is within 6 inches of our mouth they will get grumpy. No meal would be complete without having to juggle a twin while you eat. Or my favorite you get them down only to have 5 minutes to wolf your food down. You feel as if you have accomplished something if you ate without having to get up to check them.
It is possible to survive on coffee, protein bars and cheese sticks. Notice I said possible, not advisable.
I read somewhere you should taste breast milk to see if it seems off. NEVER will I drink my own breast milk….eww.
Breast milk stains like bacon grease.
We will not feed the babies things we would not eat ourselves (prunes). Wait that is a lie, I wont drink breast milk.
If they are asleep TAKE THE SHOWER. Don’t say to yourself “I am going to check my email then take a shower” because it will never happen.
Cleaning delicate creases makes me feel as if I am violating something.
They know exactly where my c-section incision is and feel it is their daily job to kick it…..repeatedly. (Did you know that it is still numb and sensitive even 9 months later?)
Strangers have no problem touching random babies.
I have heard other mothers talk about the horrible birth, hemorrhoids, sore breasts, inability to produce milk, trouble getting rid of the baby weight and stretch marks. I feel lucky I didn’t have to deal with that, then I think I would have given just about anything to have stretch marks and say the twins were full term. I guess you really cant have it all.
Even though they tell you not to, we often times find ourselves comparing the twins.
If you have two it is a given that at times you will have to let one cry while you deal with the other.
One day you will walk by a mirror and realize you look like a MOM. Dark circles under your eyes, hair is a mess, spit up on your clothes and you wont care.
I cant remember the last time I was able to get some deep sleep. I have this newly acquired “mom hearing” where every little cough and sneeze wakes me right up and I have to go check them.
Whenever I go check on them while they are sleeping I have a split second of dread of what I might find. I play the scenario of calling for help and trying to resuscitate one of them. Then I take a step closer, see their beautiful pink skin and their chests softly rising and falling. I feel like an idiot that I would even think that way but it happens all over again the next time I go check them.
